It doesn’t happen often but last night I found myself wishing that I was spending Friday night out on the town like all the normal people; shift work can serious mess with any social life you have. Just as well I’ve got two weeks off in May, this job can wear you down.

A very placid week, not one sleeper to rouse when I reached the end of the line, no major incidents and then yesterday a true five-star moment as I took the last train through the West End. A couple staggered out of the front car at MAA, he sat on the nearest bench while she sat on the floor by the headwall or so it seemed from the CCTV. The member of station staff, I think it was the Super, who’d come down to see me out started walking up the platform towards them and I thought he was just trying to get them back on.

When I opened the cab door I could hear him furiously shouting for her to stop and looking down I could see that rather than sat against the wall she was squatting with her leggings pulled down and was busy creating an ever widening pool around her feet. She finished, pulled up her leggings and staggered to rejoin her companion. The Super demanded to know what she thought she was doing, suggested she should clean it up and told me to go. So I shut the doors and left them on the platform, if they wanted to get somewhere they were going to have to get a night bus or a taxi, their welcome on London Underground for that night had just expired.